It’s been a very long time since my last post. I wrote a few times in the air but writing and sharing a post or experiences now do not excite me anymore. I don’t know why, may be mind now enjoys staring with blank eyes at a tangled mess more rather than getting my hands dirty in order to decode it. But later or sooner without dumping everything on a paper or over here, it does not let my mind rest. Writing on a paper does not activate my neurons anymore, so here I am once again to vent everything out.
I still laugh looking at the piece of paper on which I wrote down “It is just the beginning, Jayshree :)”. It was 1st of January 2020 and I was in the Jammu hotel, all very excited to welcome the coming year. I still had 2-3 days journey left which included a visit to Vaishnodevi. From this point everything went exactly opposite to what was planned and expected. Long story short, Vasinodevi visit didn’t go as planned, lot of obstacles left us all exhausted, we missed our flight in return from Jammu. You know, I always had a road trip to part of rural Punjab in back of my mind and my wish got fulfilled when we had to take a cab up to Delhi because Jammu airport closes early and they had no flights after that. The funny part was that we did pass through Punjab, but by the time it was night and instead of looking at the yellow mustard fields I was staring up at the stars. IT people know best what happens when one does not state requirements clearly. Well, God is not human but s/he too can get confused, so state your wishes clearly.
Just after returning from there I started training for Half Brickathon. I had not trained well, but I could finish it well in time. Merely for 2 – 3 days I had felt conquered and was doing gardening in a jolly mood. I lifted a heavy pot, and felt something but I didn’t feel hurt at all. By the evening breasts developed a few painful lumps. It might sound dumb but I went to a female gynecologist which moved my file to a different block of the hospital. Reaching over there they handed me a brand new file having cancer written all over it in bold fonts. I stayed sane and didn’t send any thoughts to process further. After a few painful days I changed the hospital, and further tests revealed that the lumps are non-cancerous and there is nothing to worry about. Few medicines and I got recovered in a month, but doctor suggested to slow down on sports activities.
By this time end of the March was approaching, and corona was trending at #1 spot on every medium available. After all it was something none of us had witnessed before. Whether it was cleaning everything 10 times, breathing from 7 layers of filters, doubting everyone of having infected but the self, and many things more I would rather not spell it over here. Gardening was the only activity that kept my sanity intact even though I failed at growing vegetables. After 6 -7 months when all looked getting normal, my mother suffered urinary track infection followed by my sister getting infected by corona. My sister being the elder one, has a habit to catch everything first. She was the first person I witnessed suffering corona. Thanks to technology she was getting prescribed online. But I found myself sending her food plates every now and then. At one point I was very much close in setting up a kitchen in her room. By the way it was a Diwali time but I could not complain as people had witnessed much worst. A lot more such short stories passed by, but in the process of keeping the mind sane I stopped processing thoughts. Instead of saying do not overthink, I would say do not think, and I almost now does not fuel my mind with whatever happens. People think you are calm, strong and cool, but it is more like not giving a damn thing.
Last year, before Diwali my sister insisted we renovate our house, and which was supposed to be a month job lasted for 3 – 4 months because the carpenter team was building different things than what we had asked for. Most of everything they built had to be rebuild again from scratch. The main issue was, all of this was happening while we were staying in the house, and it was dust everywhere. This time I realized why such a basic skill is not taught in schools or homes. Who would not like to build their own piece of furniture!
I really don’t know how come a new year carries the spark and charm of being different every year. Even if our habits and lifestyle or per se life ends up same, new year still gets away with everything. Anyways on this new year, my sister insisted that as per my doctor’s advice I should get my annual mammography test done. For the past two years she had been a pain in the neck. The moment she knew I have little pain, she would think of me developing cancer and call for immediate tests, worry a lot and may be cry alone in a corner. I had always laughed that out. As I said I would never cater the thoughts, and at max I was ready even if that happened. I took her along and got her registered too for the same. They tested me first and then it was her turn. My test came all fine, and I was playing with my mobile outside when she was getting sonography. After a while, she came out and said she has a cancerous tumor in her breast and has to meet the Oncologist I was consulting since past two years. My mind, after developing the superpower of refusing to think, did not get how to process that. I simply followed her to the doctor’s cabin, and comforted her when she came out from the biopsy room. Within a week she went thorough the surgery, and as it was an early stage she doesn’t have to remove the organ nor she had to take chemotherapy. Her radiation therapy finished just last week, and I was about to declare all good when she suffered some serious side effects. She is still recovering from them but hopefully the worst is over and it looks a downhill from here.
Did anything good happen at all meanwhile in two years? Yes, quite a lot. The planned trip of 2019 didn’t go well, but I went to the unplanned trip last year and it was magical beyond my hopes. We also booked the new house we were searching for since a very long time and our current house is shining like never before. I get to learn and build some cool stuff at the work and make more money. I started writing about other people’s stories whenever I find and felt the right about. After writing some five amazing stories, I learned a lot about people. Among them is a very great person whom I didn’t know before but now never fails to check on me after every few months. I did finish 200 km BRM ride. After I suffered with benign lumps we were more informed and equipped with the knowledge required to deal with the cancer when it finally happened but to my sister. The process all went in the straight line and my sister’s wonderful friends made things more easier and comforting for us when we didn’t allow our family to visit us in the hospital because of corona restrictions. A great thing about friends is that one never really has to reach out, they somehow find the backdoors to help you out even when you do not ask. If all goes well, my sister should be all clear to join her office and make my morning tea very soon.
Like a matter remains electrically neutral despite having positive and negative charged particles, life too has a quality of remaining neutral despite going through ups and downs. To the Hope, Faith and Courage…